ECHOES OF HEALING

SHADOWS OF VIOLENCE, ECHOES OF HEALING

NOVEMBER 21, 2016
Noon to 9pm

ABOUT THE CARDS

As part of his research for Shadows of Violence, Echoes of Healing, Mystic Jason Wyman engaged his community of communities via Facebook asking them questions about forgiveness, harm, stillness, and more. And his community responded with a beauty, eloquence, and grace that helped inform Wyman's performance.

Upon further reflection of the stories and words shared, Wyman noticed that the rich responses provided insights that also needed to be shared more widely, so He asked if he could share them. His friends overwhelmingly said yes.

Now, they are presented here as a virtual "Prayer Card". The original intent of Catholic prayer cards is to give one strength through a prayer to God, Jesus, Mary, or a Saint around a particular area. These prayer cards are physical reminders that our prayers (or words) hold deep meaning and when repeated can help us ground ourselves in our values and beliefs.

This Prayer Card, though, is different. These are not prayers to Gods or Saints. Rather, these are simply the words of people. In their ordinariness, they reveal the complexity of our humanness. And through them we can cultivate more compassion and understanding.

PRAYER CARDS

LINKS:

Forgiveness
Perspective
Healing
Stillness

PCR: It always has to start in the heart.

SP: I find people often forgive without effort, or real truth. The notion, which I believe, 'you forgive for yourself' seems to have taken on a life of its own. People realize it's healthy not to carry resentment, hard feelings, so they forgive and move forward. Is it real forgiveness if you don't truly embrace and continue your past relationship with that person?

RF: It really depends on the situation, the person, and/or what I'm supposed to be forgiving them for. In almost any case, it's starts with "there are bigger battles to fight". I will tell you that in all cases, if I'm doing the forgiving, it comes in my time, not theirs.

SR: I always forgive by reminding myself that we all are human, we all make mistakes and we all have hurt others. I forgive for me, and forgiving to me does not mean the person is allowed back in my life, it just means u am free of any I'll feelings towards them.

JT: I Try to remember we all make mistakes/ And forgiving someone doesn't excuse and it may not mend a friendship or relationship but it let's go of negative feelings.... I check my ego too...

LM: The one thing that has helped me: when a thought comes to my mind about someone I feel anger towards, or someone whom I believe has hurt me, I send them a blessing, then I send one out to the world, myself included. This works to shift my mind and emotions to a more "positive" frequency. I don't want my mind to replay the hurt over and over. By shifting to my "blessing" activity, I have managed to forgive many times. This doesn't mean I let the person back into my "inner" circle, but at least I don't carry around the "hurt" or angry sensations.

CPC: I have forgiven many people who were never even remotely interested in apologizing, and who don't even feel bad for what they did. I did it to free myself from carrying the burden of hating them. I set myself free to leave them and all the shitty feelings behind me. When I think about them, I focus on hoping that one day they can heal from whatever damaged them so deeply that they act out against others. But letting go of it is a process; little by little. Once I've forgiven someone, that old hurt just sits on a mental shelf collecting dust. Sometimes I'll take it back and start hating them all over again, so I have to keep going through the process of forgiving until I'm sick of hating that person enough to let it go. Overall I'd say it's NEVER about the other person, their intent, their feelings; it's about me deciding to cut myself loose from that negative emotional bond with them.

JASON: Thank you everyone for such honesty and insight. As I prepare for this performance, I'm sensing a collective need for forgiveness and confession. To me, that can never come *from* another, but an other can be a catalyst for deeper insight that leads towards personal accountability. It's a messy, delicate, and at times painful space and proves. My hope is that I can provide a cathartic moment of contemplation that cultivates further healing.
The stories shared here help ground me and in return this performance in a more collective understanding of forgiveness. It's moving. I feel incredibly lucky to have each of you on my life and community of communities. 😘

MM: forgiveness clears the path to future abundance.

PR: I just came across this and thought it might apply here in some way. Either way it's moving. Most especially Maya speaking about how she coped: https://m.facebook.com/story.php...

CV: Ufff

NN: Reminding myself that we choose our attachments - and usually (at least for me) - the intent behind actions is loving and kind - even if the manifestation causes rough edges... I meditate into the meta - and find the love and kindness that lays beyond the immediate and attach to that with gratitude - and then I find empathy in the shared experience of having action incongruous with intent - I believe that (with rare exception) we are loving and kind beneath whatever patinas exist.

TR: Forgive yourself for being forgiving.

JE: Be conscious and ready to forgive them every day for at least a few weeks to a year before it truly sinks in.

KO: Through acceptance. People don't always behave the way you'd like. They have issues or illnesses that might be beyond their control. It's not excusing wrongdoing, but more like accepting what has happened, and accepting who you and other people are. My mom and I had a rough relationship in my teens and early twenties to say the least. She could be mean, petty, and vindictive at times. I grew up thinking that she didn't like me, and I don't think that is a completely false statement; people's understandings of reality are complex. But she did something to me and my family at one point that made me decide not to have her in my life anymore or that of my children. What she did was a BIG deal. It tore me up because despite everything, she's my mother. She could do messed up things, but I also know that she tried extremely hard for my sister and I as kids. After about a year of no contact and being in full on can't get out of bed, sobbing, eating, and contemplating death type depression about it, I realized that I needed to make a decision. Either I had to accept that she wasn't the type of mom I wanted and accept her for who she is, or cut her out of my life and not look back. Anyone in my family could tell you that I had years worth of reasons to do the latter, but I chose to accept her, not just as my mom but as a person with flaws and inner struggles like anyone else. That doesn't mean I took her shit, but I was literally never angry with her again. And just like that, our relationship changed for the better. It wasn't a fairytale. She never apologized or was even willing to discuss what happened, but it didn't matter. It wasn't an issue for me anymore. I also realized that not all of our issues were completely on her. I played my part in them, too. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, but I'm glad I did. We were able to become friends again before we found out she was sick, and when she was dying I think she knew that I was there for her because I wanted to be and not just because I felt like I had to be.

MW: Great insights! Anger, hate and vindictiveness used to eat me up. Shades of it still exists, but the insights above have all the tools I try to use to deal with it. Makes me think of the ways I may have debased others and hope for their forgiveness. Thanks for this post.

RJ: For knowledge

DSW: Best friend whose known you since childhood. Very wise, adult children. Spouse. The person you are connected to on a Spiritual, soul level.

GCS: My partner :)

AMS: The people in my life that I trust to be brutally honest with me, yet will still be loving enough to support me in trying to learn from it and (if possible) make it right. Usually those people are my best friend, my husband, my parents (Dad & stepmom) and sometimes even my older children.

AC: I have three people that get contacted. First one, then the other and the third. In that order.
One straightens my line of thinking out with stoic rationalism and is one of my oldest and certainly my best friend.
The other is also a very old friend, god-parent to my kid and the tough love, suck it up person and this person especially gets called if I have wounds to lick and/or owe an apology.
Then my spouse who reigns me in and reminds me how misanthropic and rigid I can be and that even I am not perfect (this part is so not even true 😉) then gives me playful mocking.
So I guess #1 gives clarity, #2 gives me strength and #3 gives me humility. All the ingredients I need when I am wrong.

RAV: My good friends tell me when I'm wrong and don't take excuses. My elders are compassionate and share wisdom

JASON: Thank you everyone for sharing here. I feel so honored to have you in my community of communities.

PR: Think about it, apologize sincerely, either in writing or in person, forgive myself (recognize that making mistakes is human), and if there is a way to rectify I do.

RF: Apologize, kick myself in the ass for too long, repeat the performance in my head to try to find the tipping point, try to help us both understand where I was coming from. Eventually, move on.

JASON: RF and PR: what exactly are the actions and words of "apologize"?

RF: The words vary depending on the action and the person - I don't really have a script for it. The actions involve words mostly. Not just a sorry, but letting them know where I think I went into bad territory. I want them to understand it's not just a "I'm saying sorry because I just want it to go away" situation.

PR: Exactly what Robert said. Stating what it was that I felt I could have done differently or shouldn't have done. Not just saying the word sorry, but discussing where I felt I went wrong

RF: Oh! And puppy dog eyes. Puppy dog eyes always help. ;)

LM: I agree with all said. The making amends part is important in my eyes. Words can be empty if there is no action to back them up. And if nothing can be done, a willingness to show change in ones behavior is also key.

NB: I ask them what they think I did or said that's wrong. Often it's different from what I think I did or said that's wrong. I dont like repeating mistakes. Interpretation and communication are often at the heart of fuck ups

NB: And obviously I apologize

MBS: First of all, admit the wrong.

JASON: Thank you everyone!

AF: Learn. Identify and recognize the error. Apologize and make it up to them however and when you possibly can if they let you. Be aware from the present onward to not do the same again.

PR: Go outside the cities.

KN: Spend time in nature, especially amongst tress (magical forest types) and bodies of water. Hot springs too. Meditation (anywhere). Swimming 🏊🏾 (stillness arrives after as many times monkey mind during or a clear space to cultivate in), Yoga asana.

AC: Anytime there's water involved, I figure out how to tune everything out. We are taking a boat today wherein I will have 25 minutes to just stare at water.

JL: I agree that spending time in nature or getting out of big cities helps a lot. Even spending a Sunday morning breakfast alone in a diner in a small town would bring me peace, perspective. However, these days I can't afford those luxuries without the help of friends so I've been searching for answers closer to home. Sometimes, I sit and watch the vessels go up and down the Mississippi River. More often, a quiet morning of bird-watching or identifying sounds on my porch does it. While it's not complete stillness or quiet (I don't think it ever is for me) it quiets my mind and brings me some peace.

BS: Time with animals.

PCR: sometimes you gotta find a place to hide. With the election, a lot more often.

SR: My mind is always active and full of ideas and "noise", I thrive in active and loud environments but once a month I have to recharge. I go hermit status, I stay home and send everyone else out for the day, I usually stay with lights off, and music on but no planning, no thinking, no cleaning no nothing, just chilling. Allowing my mind to go quiet and blank, no important tasks, no phone calls, no texting, just me with me!! Hope this helps.

LSK: I like the idea of "turning down the house" at night.

RL: This is gonna sound like bs, but when I'm on the mats in jiu-jitsu, under an opponent who's trying to choke me or torque a limb my mind gets as quiet as it ever does during the week. Lesson plans, bills, my commute, chores/errands melt into background and it's surprisingly peaceful in my head. I'm either going to troubleshoot my way out or admit defeat and thank him or her for not breaking my arm.

JCH: I know exactly what you mean. In the fight there is quiet. I find shelter there, in the storm.

SG: Scream until you pass out.

JCH: I find stillness in motion and motion in stillness. I stay straight but not straight, bent but not best. The soft carries hard and the hard carries soft. These guide your listening and you move with ferocity. You wait in stillness until your opponent attacks first but you land the blow first.

Echoes Main Page
Personal Reflections
ATA Website
Facebook Event Page

SPECIAL THANKS TO: